Dear telephone,
I fucking hate you. You ring all the fucking time - usually before I'm awake.
If I run to pick you up you usually stop ringing just before I get there.
If I do happen to answer I have to squeeze my eyes shut really hard to stop myself from transforming into a monster who will blast the shit out of the innocent on the end of the phone.
I justdon'twanttotalktoyouever. Okay? Okay? I'm not selling anything 'mam okay? I just want a minute of your time okay? WHO TAUGHT THEM TO SAY OKAY AT THE END OF EVERY SENTANCE?
It does not make it okay that you're harassing me just because you keep saying it.
Alternatively, I will answer you and you will be one of mama's clients. It doesn't seem to matter that these people are not technically strangers, I still need to clench my eyes really tight to stop from shouting at them.
Also, if I ever pick you up to call someone, when i'm actually trying to make some sort of use of you, you run out of battery. Always. It doesn't matter if you've been sitting on charge FOR WEEKS being ignored, you are always low of battery.
I hate you. If it wasn't for the fact that mama uses you to call over seas I would happily smash you to pieces and then pee on you.
Love Nani
