Monster

I am so very tired. Last night I was woken at 3am by my friend, the telephone. Then again at 5am by the monster that lives in my roof that always seems to wake at that time.

You may think I'm joking, but I'm not. We used to have an avocado tree, and from the tree possums used to scamper into the roof and drive my sister nuts. Then I moved into her room and totally understood what she'd been talking about the entire time. After much complaining and annoyance, the avocado tree got cut down. Not just because of the possums on the roof, but because our neighbours complained about leaves in gutters etc etc.

After that, the possums stopped. Now is the time to mention that apparently there is no space between my ceiling and the roof - no attic type thing. Apparently what I was hearing was possums ONTOP of the roof not in it. I totally don't buy it. It sounded like they were about 3cm of thin plaster away from my head.

It was not that long after the avocado tree's removal that I heard a familiar scampering. I thought, 'that's okay. It's probably just a lone rat.' It was nowhere near as bad as when there was a whole platoon of possums who'd run sprinting competitions on a nightly basis. I got used to hearing this small scampering occasionally, and because I'm not an asshole, I decided not to do anything about it (like rat poison etc.).

Not to mention I have no idea where I would put said rat poison seeing as apparently there doesn't exist a space where I could put it and I don't think piffing rat poison onto the roof would be effective. AND what if it wasn't a rat, rather a mouse? What then? Rat poison doesn't necessarily work on mice.

However, since then, this creature has grown. I decided it was no longer a rat, but must be a possum. Too loud and heavy to be a mere disgusting rat. Then it became a fat possum. Really heavy footed. It was now taking to waking me frequently in the middle of the night, actually rousing me from my slumber.

After I was woken last night by my fat friends usual 5am wanderings I realised that the creature sounds now as though it's about 25 Kg. THAT IS A FAT FUCKING THING. There is NO WAY that is a possum. It's some other huge monster that's shacked up in my roof. Yes IN my roof, I totally don't buy the 'we don't have a space between the roof and the ceiling' business.

Anyway, that meant that I woke with one hell of a headache this morning, which - surprise surprise, turned into a cracker of a migraine. Ahhh, what a crap way the start the day, A GOOD day too. Not only was it perfect weather again, but I was meant to start back at Uni today but instead recieved a call from school saying class was cancelled! Booya!

Poor Fab had to deal with me crying over the pain in my head and explaining I'd had horrible dreams about giant mammals in my attic that had the face of Voldemort.

I've been in top form lately when it comes to acting a bit loopy around people who love me/put up with my behaviour. Last night I had dinner with Libby who unfortunatelly got insight into what i'm like when I'm having a fat day. Every second sentance was me being totally pre-occupied with my weight.

Funnily enough, today, once I managed to kill my migraine with a combination of DISPRIN and Codeine, I felt really good about myself. Infact, I've made this new rule that I'm thus far abiding too. Go to the gym everyday. On the days that I don't go, I am not allowed to eat any sweets. At all.

That may not sound like a big deal, but it TOTALLY is. I eat chocolate about 3-4 times a day. Seperate occasions. You know, like, kit kat for breakfast, brownie as dessert after lunch, then some chocolate when winding down before bed kind of stuff. It's my arch nemesis and the reason I am the owner of a mega butt.

So, me saying I won't eat sweets is a big blow to my fatenemy, it also means that I've gone to the gym every single day since I started the pact which is a big plus (nevermind that this has only been going on for 2 days.)

Oh, and! Exciting for you and terrifying for me I'm going to take some of those full frontal in my undies shots and then some more in a month or two or whatever so we can all see my progress!

Um, no, i'm not posting them til I have some AFTER photos where i'm looking like a total babe which will balance out the sadness of my BEFORE shots.

Oh, and before you go imagining some Biggest Loser scenario (I FREAKIN LOVE THAT SHOW AND HAVE AN ALMOST UNHEALTHY LOVE FOR THOSE PEOPLE), I need to clear this up... I am not really actually fat. I am not happy with my weight, but I only really need to lose about 7 kilos. I know many many people have it way harder than I do BUT that doesn't mean that I should get to that stage, right? It used to be 'oh I only need to lose a kilo or two...' then that 3, then 5 and now it's 7. It's a bad pattern.

Also, I have Chron's disease which means when I get sick I get put on steroids which make me balloon and I have Diabetes Mellitus (type 2) in the family. So I should really be doing all I can to put me in the best situation to begin with so I can avoid diabetes and when I get put on steroids I only gain a bit of weight that is then manageable to get rid of later.

Okay, that's enough for tonight I think. Will post my 'Year in the Life of Nani' shots tomorrow.

Love N xx

Telephone

Dear telephone,

I fucking hate you. You ring all the fucking time - usually before I'm awake.
If I run to pick you up you usually stop ringing just before I get there.
If I do happen to answer I have to squeeze my eyes shut really hard to stop myself from transforming into a monster who will blast the shit out of the innocent on the end of the phone.

I justdon'twanttotalktoyouever. Okay? Okay? I'm not selling anything 'mam okay? I just want a minute of your time okay? WHO TAUGHT THEM TO SAY OKAY AT THE END OF EVERY SENTANCE?

It does not make it okay that you're harassing me just because you keep saying it.

Alternatively, I will answer you and you will be one of mama's clients. It doesn't seem to matter that these people are not technically strangers, I still need to clench my eyes really tight to stop from shouting at them.

Also, if I ever pick you up to call someone, when i'm actually trying to make some sort of use of you, you run out of battery. Always. It doesn't matter if you've been sitting on charge FOR WEEKS being ignored, you are always low of battery.
I hate you. If it wasn't for the fact that mama uses you to call over seas I would happily smash you to pieces and then pee on you.

Love Nani

Happy

First thing is first...

5. Easter

Okay, that's almost up to date. I happen to have not taken today's picture yet. I have had such a great week. My uni are ass-whores and instead of giving me a week off mid semester, they chose to give me the Easter break which everyone is entitled to plus today and tomorrow.

Though as I said, I have been having a great week. Easter and all Easter related days were wonderful, chocolate filled and as you can see by picture day 5 I got to see gorgeous Audrey. Because we have been absolutely blessed by perfect weather, sun kissed days etc, we went to Karkarook Park.

6. Karkarook Park

By we, I mean Fabian, his sister Nova and I. It was gorgeous, though sad because there was loads and loads of blue-green algae in the water.

Yesterday my whole day was eaten up because my mama's best friend Ivan went overseas and I was driving to the airport. It's never felt like a really long drive because when I get there, I usually park and stop and say goodbye etc. But yesterday we just dropped him off and I was driving again! 3 hours, and I was so sore from sitting constantly. I have no idea how Ivan does it - he's a taxi driver. Luckily both Fab and mama came along, and so while I don't prefer to drive with my mum anywhere, Fab balanced it out.

Then, in order to chill out after a horrible driving day etc we played Heores. What's that? You don't know what Heroes is?! Heroes of Might and Magic II of course! The most wonderful game in the planet UNTIL YOU GET FREAKING OWNED BY RED CHARACTER.

7. Heroes

Today Fab and I did a lot of sweet nothing, a bit of lunch, some Bunnings adventures for the Aquaponics system he's building in the back yard. What's that? You not only don't know what Heroes is but you aren't certain what AQUAPONICS IS? Well. I haven't the patience to answer your mortal queries right now. Perhaps you'll be lucky and get a whole post dedicated to it at a later date.

Go watch Lewis Ck on youtube.

Nani x

Sick

I've managed to get myself sick again. I have a wind-heat invasion. For those of you non-chinese medicine practitioners out there, this is what a wind-heat invasion consists of:

Sore throat, headache, cough, fever or elevated body temperature, body aches, little or no sweat, runny or stuffy nose with yellow discharge, a red tongue body w/ yellow coating. If the heat is very deep it may cause nausea or vomiting, depressed appetite, abdominal distention, chills and fever, heavy sweating, irritability, strong thirst

It's a type of common cold. Of course, in Chinese Medicine we never say 'common cold' because we're awesome and we know there are DIFFERENT types of cold. Anyway, I have one. And it's a heat not a cold.

As you have learnt from the above passage, I am suffering from a depressed appetite. While you might think that would make me happy, it's in fact just making me sad that I have no cake.

Because I'm the luckiest girl in the world, here are the THREE cakes I got for my birthday this year.



How amazing does that look?! Thanks Summer! It gave me a Chron's attack, BUT IT LOOKED AWESOME SO WHO CARES?


Fabian's sister made this for us! It had our names underneath in gorgeous hand made fondant too! She made us a ZEBRA CAKE people, ZEBRA.



Okay, your eyes may still be dancing in joy after the zebra cake and you may have not quite registered what this is. That is my mama's reforma. In other words, THE ABSOLUTE best tasting cake. In the world. Ever.
Now moving on from cakes, something I don't want to do - I have said that I'm doing a photo a day. Now that my blog is finally working properly I will post day 4. Here it is

4.Medicinal Drawers

As the keen reader may have noticed (Ha! Currently I have 1 follower and it's myself...I did notice.) I said that a shelf would be arriving on which i'd put my two amazing antique drawers, WELL, that hasn't happened and I can't be bothered explaining why, so here is one of them perched precariously on the thingo that holds my towels.

Gorgeous right? Right.

Goodnight!
Nani x

Bilby

I don't plan on giving up the farce that I'm still a child anytime while there is free chocolate on offer. Today I had not one, but TWO Easter hunts. Proper ones. Hidden eggs, screaming, excitement. At Fabian's house I had a noodle box to collect my eggs in and at my house we were each given dog-poo bags.

So freaking' good.

I also got a Bilby, which was nice. I always feel very Australian when I eat a Bilby. I hope everyone has as nice an Easter as I did. I know I'm yet to post photos from day 4 and 5 of this year for me, but I do HAVE them, it's just a matter of uploading them. Sheesh, way to be impatient.

Fabian's niece was here today and she is so...amazing. What does a one and a half year old even think about? 'Cause Audrey is definitely thinking about something. She's vocal even though she can't talk, and she makes it SO CLEAR when she wants or needs something.

I can't wait until she is talking and can actually tell me things that she thinks.

I sound a little clucky don't I? Well, I'm actually not. I'm well aware that I'm far too selfish to be a mama just yet. I always want to do exactly what I want and you just can't do that with kids. Being a parent is the greatest lesson of surrender. (Yeah, I heard a mum talking about it.)

My hands are fucking freezing so I'm going to go. I'm very sad that I left Libby's KICK ASS present-gloves at home, cause they would serve me very well right now.

Oh, before I go, speaking of presents - HOW FREAKING COOL IS MY SISTER? She knows I love ZARA so, even though the much anticipated Melbourne store is yet to open she freaking went to Sydney and bought me a whole bunch of stuff. Yes. I know. My sister is the best and yours isn't.

I'm sure there are some who will try to dispute that above statement, but you'd be a fool to do so.

Nani x

Present

Oh my god. It finally happened!



Let me point some things out.

1) I had previously played and lost over 100 games.
2) The game I won happened 15 minutes into my birthday
3)I am playing minesweeper at midnight on my birthday

I love my life right now

Nani x

Choke

Yesterday was an incredible day!

I easily, definatelly had a fabulous birthday. A crazy amount of people remembered it (seeing as I'm not on facebook so it doesn't remind anyone about it)and I got to spend the day doing whatever I wanted.

Today on the other hand was not quite as incredible seeing as I choked.

Yep, for the first time in my life, I felt I was in danger of choking to death. I was at Nandos (who's surprised that the chubby girl almost ate herself to death?) and swallowed a chicken bone (and who's surprised that she inhales her food as opposed to chewing it?). It was stuck. Totally stuck.

Once I realised I couldn't breathe, I dealt with it pretty well. No panic to speak of, I tapped Fabian on the shoulder and pointed to my throat.

He realised immediately 'You're choking?!...It's STUCK?'. I think my by-then red face was a give away. Then he tried to give me a wierd version of the Heimmlich (yeah, no chance of that being spelled correctly.) manouvre...it was the 'let's not draw too much attention to ourselves' version. Though he claims it was just cause I wouldn't stand up.

Anyway, by this stage a few people had noticed and were watching, just in time for my body to save itself!

By vomiting. Into my hands. VICTORY!

In other news, tomorrow we're painting eggs because we're wogs and I am very excited! It's always a lot of fun hanging with my family creating some gorgeous and also some hideous designs on the eggs.

I think I'm getting old because it feels like very not long ago that we were painting eggs for last easter.

Also, yes I am aware that this blog is missing photos, so i'm working on it.

Nani x

Picture

I am going to try and document A Year in the Life of Nani. Kind of like 'One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich' by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, but less winner of Nobel Prize for Literature and more like Crappy Photos.

So, starting on my birthday


1.Birthday

Okay, before we go any further, I don't plan on every photo being OF me. My narcissism doesn't extend that far. BUT this photo is pretty rad, the racist man on the tram would have a psychotic episode if he saw this.

Remember he called me a 'Fuckin' four eyes!' Well, there are 3 glasses on the creepy man in the picture behind me, 1 set on my face, and 1 set on the Felinni badge i'm wearing! GO SPECTACLES!

And that leads us to day 2



2.Geek Chic

No, look, seriously - I don't plan on all the photos being of my beautiful face in 365 different pairs of glasses. But to be honest, I thought it was important for me to dispel the theory that in every photo there is of me I am eating. Note: display picture and others on blog.

As it happens buying those new glasses yesterday WAS the most interesting thing that happened and in a fair representative of my day.

I am off now to paint me some eggs!

Nani x

Eggs

Easter! That means egg painting, for families such as mine and usually we take it one step further. Loads of Christian Orthodox families will dye their eggs red or blue or green, and sometimes they put a pretty leaf imprint or whatever.

We do things the more awesome way, where the women in our family get together with all of Mama's paint supplies and spend the evening painting the crap out of these eggs.


3.Eggs

As you can see, this year was a little bit different. Mama bought these cool temporary tattoo/sleeve things for the eggs and we all opted out of creativity and made at least 2 each of these. They are the really beautiful ones in the picture, you can spot a couple of hand painted ones too if you look carefully!

For my birthday Mama bought me these amazing antique Chinese Medicine cabinets from an auction. They're beautiful and my mama is amazing, so she went and bought me a shelf on which to put them (as they're rather short...I don't usually make a habit of stacking cabinets on top of shelves on top of chairs etc.). So that's arriving today and that means I'll be re-arranging this room to accommodate them.

This room by the way is my study/clinic. It's got a big squishy massage table in the middle, all my acupuncture supplies and accessories (I bet you didn't know there was such a thing as Acupuncture Accessories, did you?), a massive cool screen, all my millions of text books and of course my table on which I type this super successful and popular blog.

Let's not pretend that you're not relieved to find out that I don't blog this from the toilet, something I have previously contemplated.

Now that I've mentioned it I feel like I'm obligated to clean this room and make it awesome for when the shelf arrives. Okay. I'm off to do that, I may post a photo when it's all done and set up if you're lucky.

N x

Cold

It is very cold.

Please note the Indian Summer post I did, last week. Yeah, now we've been getting a months worth of rainfall over a span of few days and IT IS CHILLY OUTSIDE. Like, hot damn, chilly. Makes sense right?

Last night I caught up with an old old friend. Not like, he's OLD, rather we've been friends since we were 11. I was very happy to see him! He has a blog you should all read. Yes, I am talking to you my several thousand secret readers - don't think I don't know you all exist.

Ari's Blog

I am off into the city today, even though it's cold. Fab and I are going on a DATE and we are looking around to find presents for one another because it is TOMORROW that he has his birthday and 5 DAYS LATER I have mine.

So, what's other news?I've been using this teeth whitening gadget I got off the internet. Gosh, re-reading that sentance made me wonder if I knew nothing of the prime trustworthiness of the internet and I checked to make sure all my teeth were still in my head.

Anyway, it came with this blue uv light that fits in my mouth, and when I remove it about .5 litres of saliva drains out of my mouth. I have no idea if it's working, but i'm having a great time every morning strutting about in my knickers pretending i'm a robot with blue lights in my mouth.

A pretty unimpressive robot, I admit, but cooler than my current completely humanoid self.

What else? My current quest to relinquish control in all aspects of my life is going okay.

NOTE: When I just checked 'relinquish' at dictionary.com (don't judge me) It said 'to relinquish the throne.' Yes, THE throne, I wish my quest was as dramatic.

Anyway, it's going okay. Fabian is still controlling the relationship, and I have kept texting friends to a minimum "What are you doing? When are we hanging out next?" etc. You know, that gives them to chance to actually text/call me if they give a shit.(note: am terrified I will discover I have less friends than I initially thought.)

Luckily I have had the excuse of planning my birthday dinner thing to call places, book and organise or this would've been too cold turkey for me.

We're having a barbeque at Fabian with some friends of ours and then I'm doing a dinner thing with my other group of friends which should be nice

This blog entry is going to be cut short now because my feet need more warmth, the stocking and flats combo i'm rocking currently totally sucks.

N x

Talent

I have very few solid talents. However, those few that I do have I possess in abundance

Sure, I have the ability to be very car sick when I'm not even in a car - but the talent I wanted to really focus on was my anxiety.

I just spent a horrible evening last night with my boyfriend, Fabian, insisting that we need to talk about some fundamental flaws in our relationship. Anyone who knows me and Fabian knows that there are no fundamental flaws in our relationship, really. We're adorable and love each other and get along so well and he's the best person ever. Look, this is how great we are.

See? Adorable! Last nights 'issue' was, if i'm being honest, me being a little crazy and over stressed and taking it out on Fabian. Poor guy, we've fought maybe 5 times in the whole time we've been together and last night I just dumped so much crap on him!

Anyway, INSERT LONG WINDED INSIGHT INTO OUR PRIVATE AFFAIRS THAT WILL SATISFY READERS, PREFERABLY SOMETHING TRUTHFUL YET WITTY And so, it makes perfect sense that the agreement we've come to is that I am not allowed to over control our relationship and he's going to take over for a bit.

So, basically, last nights events made me think, 'Am I that bad, really? Am I truly so loopy?'.

I have no idea. I called my phychiatrist, he can deal with it and let me know.

So, I have no intention of figuring out whether i'm loopy or no, but I did have heightened awareness of myself and my actions today to make sure I noticed any weird behaviour to pass on to previously mentioned health practitioner. And this is what I caught myself doing.

I was on the way home from work on my push bike, for the third time ever driving on the ROAD. And in order to continue cycling I resulted to what I think is normal, and what, after close self analysis I realise others might think is a little loopy.In order to give myself the courage to continue riding my push bike home with cars driving around me - I...okay keep the terrifying situation I was in in mind please.

...I was singing, quite loudly, EYE OF THE TIGER.

Yep.

Imagine this...You're in a car, you turn into a street and infront of you, wobbling along on her pushbike is a chubby girl who slowly is making her way up the very slight incline of the road. You can't take over because she sporadically swerves slightly into traffic. You manage to overtake at a time when she's decided the footpath is safer. You hit a red light and in your rearview mirror you see her, bravely huffing along, very slowly, she seems to be shouting something. You wind down your window and you hear...

So it's the eye of the tiger it's the...cream of the crop! Rising up to the challenge of our...nuhhnuhhs!

I would have had a steely looked of determination on my red little face that was somewhat hidden by the purple sparkly horse riding helmet I wear when riding my bike.

Im not quite sure what I'm meant to do with this newly realised view of myself. Though I think perhaps that I'm just completely fantastic not over stressed, high anxiety etc, and that EYE OF THE TIGER was specifically designed to get people like me through every day life. Agreed? Yes I think so.

Nani x

Fire

Last night we had a big fire outside of Fabian's house. One that we lit, I should mention, to have friends sit around and ultimately melt ginger chocolate on.

I had a combination of a great night and a not to great night.

Lots of my dear friends were there, and I wasn't getting overwhelmed with 'the boys' (the ingenius name i've given to Fabian's cluster of school mates). Aleks went out of her way to come even though she had something else on later and Libby and Chloe came which was all awesome.

Chloe whipped out her camera at some stage and much hilarity ensued -

Lamington Eye Libby and I

Chloe loving my hair


It was great weather, good good good food, great company yet I managed to totally spaz out over the amount of chairs, enough that I drove to my house and got back to Fabians with an entire bench in my back seat, 2 fold up chairs in the boot and a few stools in the front seat. Which were entirely not needed might I mention.

I also almost had a steak-related panic attack, so add in the fucking gorgeous looking/tasting cake and I pretty much ensured a Chrons attack. It's still bothering me today, but I am confident it's just a short stint and will be fine by tonight!

I have been writing an assignment for most of the day, it's for my 4th year subject which is all about the Shang Han Lun.

For those of you that don't know what that IS, ignorants, it's a text that was written in China in 200AD and that is pretty amazing and awesome.
I decided to jump on here when my powerpoint presentation suddenly froze and my computer was 'thinking' for minutes and then unexplainably shut the unsaved program I was working on. I have since managed to re-open it and THANK MY LUCKY STARS it autosaved and I am pretty sure I can avoid going to the toilet over that freak out.

Tonight is family birthday dinner for Fab with his family (not a strangers family, because that would be weird). I am going to try and smash out the rest of this assignment, while furiously saving every couple of seconds, so I can go and enjoy this perfect day. (yes, remember how cold I said it was a few days ago? Well, we're in Melbourne - and today I can't complain!)

N x

Diana Ross

Diana Ross, god. So good.

Seriously, I think that she manages to cover every emotional state I could go through on the one cd. It's perfect. I'm fairly certain that just by listening to it I become a better person.

So, I AM EXCITED. Yes, I am. Want to know why dear reader? Because it is almost my birthday and I am NOT old enough to hate my birthdays yet! Woo!

I am also very pleased with myself, like some sort of self licking cat. By that previous statement you can probably tell I know very little about cats, however I have observed them licking themselves and they always seem very content when they do that.

So, why am I so pleased? Because I am listening to Diana Ross (you'd know that if you'd been paying attention) and also because I have those wonderful cheese filled pastry things in the oven and anyone that knows me KNOWS how I love those things. As if those aren't enough of a reason to be happy I have JUST finished my assignment for Chest Bind and Glomus! Ha!

I am taking a well deserved break before I start my pathology assignment.

But Nani, why are you working so hard? Your pathology assignment isn't even due until Thursday and you're a student - shouldn't you be starting it on Thursday morning?

NO! That's where you're wrong cruious character that I imagine asks me questions in my mind, you are very wrong!

I am going to try and smash this assignment and finish it by the time I finish work tomorrow BECAUSE then I am free to go to fuckin' CHEERS with Libby and Chloe. Yes. I know. I am going to go to Cheers and this makes me the best person ever for too many reasons to list!

I was going to cancel going out because Aleks couldn't come and I had my assignments to do, but I am feeling so festive and happy at this minute, I think i'm going to make it happen!

Also, lets face it, my new lipstick arrived today via post and I am too impatient to wait until Wednesday to wear it.

Nani x

Indian Summer

So right now in Melbourne we're having an Indian summer and it's pretty gorgeous.

I was able to walk to work in a skirt at 8 am and not be cold! Several times today in the rooms my boss and I compared leg hair to see who was worse and asked patients to judge if we could get away with it. They all said yes, though I'm not altogether sure whether that's because we control the needles or because we actually aren't that hairy.

Oh, and I work at a Chinese Medical Clinic where we do acupuncture amongst other things, by the way. Not at a needle exchange.

Just imagine! Junkie: yes, yes, you're legs are fuckin wonderful give me the needles bitch.

So I've been fixing up my living room to look a little bit 'old'. There are some beat up suitcases hanging around and some nice big wooden bookcases with glass and an old photo of my mum and dad. I think I need to get rid of the technicoloured face masks I got from Vietnam and the unplugged dvd player to keep the trend going. Any ideas on other stuff I can do to the room to make it look a bit...old? I really need to come up with a better world for old. I also need to stop pretending I have a steady following of readers.

'Any ideas dear readers? I value each and every one of your opinions! I know they flood my comment box, and it takes me hours to read throught them all but they really brighten up my day!'

Oh and another project i'm going to work on - I've bought some red and white spray paint to make Fabian's barbeque look like a Mario mushroom.

I'll post a picture when it's done.

Off now to meet up with Libby for coffee and MAYBE see the elusive Ari for dinner.

Nani x

Thick

I woke up this morning feeling really thick. Not, like, fat thick. Rather as though my brain had been filled in with cement.


But I don't mean stupid thick either. Hm. A headache where some kind of heavy custard is filling up the empty spaces around my brain.


Then I got up and instead of the feeling going away, I allowed the custard to spill over from just being in my head to filling up the rest of my body.


Can you imagine what that would look like in a cadavar?

'And usually you would be able here to determine most of the specimens viscera were it not for this delicious yellow custard.'

What this usually means is that today is a complete write off. If I wake up feeling rubbish like this, the day usually amounts to nothing and I go back to bed and try life again when I wake up.

Not in a depressing way! Ho, no. The other option is I may just need to take some disprin and take a shit and all the thickness in my body will magically disappear.


I've just discovered Disprin and it is fucking wonderful. It dissolves really fast and that means it works really fast! I know, that's the whole point but let's just make some allowances to the fact that i'm a bit slow at the best of times and call it a day.

Now let me take a moment to be a little bit serious, dip into my role as health practitioner and give some advice:


Migraine's are classed by the WHO as one of the most debilitating sudden onset conditions that Australian's suffer from. Word displacement, light distortion, blurry vision, nausea etc. are common for many migraine sufferers. Unless pain relief is dispensed within 20 minutes of the migraines commencement not much can be done for the relief of a migraine except riding it out. This is pretty shit considering some migraines can last up to 3 days. Disprin is a fast disolving form of asprin that when taken immediately (3 tablets either taken normally or disolved in water) can provide huge amounts of relief. DISPRIN IS THE SHIT. Even the codeine in Panadeine Extra, my old go to, would sometimes fail me re: migraines, Disprin thus far has not.

Okay, I am going to try and disperse my thickness and smash out the gym before it closes today at 4pm. Because lets be honest NOONE WANTS TO BE FAT ON THEIR BIRTHDAY!

And yes, it's my birthday in 10 days

N x

Pottery

So, as promised, I am going to post some pictures of my pottery work.

This is a rare opportunity to see the development and evolution of...okay, so uhm, i'm not very good at pottery and I have a reaaaaaaaaaaaaaallly long way to go before I am so there IS no real development or evolution..YET.

Stay with me here...

Okay so, what you see above is the first thing I made in pottery. Hey! Reign in the judgement there buddy, yes I KNOW it is a person in the foetal position that is highly distressed about something. Yes, I AM aware it's a hugely emo expressive piece and I think, fuck you, try doing something else when you're waist deep in shit thanks to a several month long Chron's episode.


Next piece is more cheery, you'll be happy to know that by this stage my chrons episode has subsided and i'm well on the way to a steroid induced fat-phase. Imagine how happy my fat little dimpled face was when I decided to make this teapot. There's a little bird on it!

If you are prone to crying I suggest you don't imagine my fat little face the picture of disappointment when I realised that things shrink in the Kiln by APPARENTLY 10% which seems in real life to be more like 30-40% and my teapot came out slightly bigger than my 2 fists put together.

And while my hands are a little bit big to be described as 'feminine' they are not really big enough to make a functional teapot. When filled with boiling water this baby can, with a very thin weak stream, barely fill a normal sized mug (hence the baby cups I made to go along with it.)

You live you learn! Let's move along. Next came a whole set of these babies. Cleverly designed to fit comfortably in one hand, so the other can shovel some kind of slippery food quickly into your mouth via chopstick. Genius right?



Wrong!

Once I took these home, I excitedly told Mama that we were to use them as little salad bowls and put them next to everyones plates (yes, I understand salad is not quite the same as slippery chinese food, but I was working with what I had.)

Now is the time to mention that there is a full set of about one hundred of these, all with the brilliant brain pattern on them.

We sit down at the table and my sister picks hers up to examine it with delight. This is where the vital flaw of the design was noticed. The bottoms are completely curved. They move. Constantly. Sway from side to side in a balancing act so dangerous that only really heavy floor safe foods are allowed to be put in them.

They reside in the bottom of the cupboard. I'm trying to figure out who to give them to.

No matter! Lesson learnt. My chubby brain (yes, every single part of my body is quite chubby, brain included) probably was trying to do me a favour. No chinese food is going in those babies. Moving on...


Here I decided to stop making the non-functional variety of emo statues and crockery and to start making something useful.





I am just going to take a moment now to clarify that YES these photos were taken on a black chair with the bathroom door as a backdrop, and that is because I am not only a pottery prodigy but am also a photography-maestro.


So, this is a little thing for oil and vinegar. Pretty cool ey? EY? It's a shame that no-one can ever 'see' the animal in both sections. It's not a magic eye, it just takes a little bit of effort. Next.



This one, is a boat shaped bowl with horses in it. It was intended to be a potato bowl at Christmas, my plans were again foiled by the shrinking ray inside the Kiln and this could only perhaps fit 4 spuds in it. Try to learn your lesson Nani, just...try..





*tilt your head to right to see the picture properly...I haven't figured out how to do that on here yet*

Another bowl, this time bigger (lesson learnt!), with a flatter bottom (lesson kind of learnt) BUT WITH THE DESIGN ON THE BOTTOM SO YOU CANNOT SEE IT UNLESS IT'S UPSIDE DOWN. Zing! Take that chubby brain, try to fix that one.


Now, my plans with the above 3 'works' were foiled not just by the kiln shrinking ray, or by upside down designs but rather by Mama. She loved them. All of them. Infact, the oil + vinegar beauty was destined to go to her for Christmas, but it was not to be.

She confiscated them. All of them. None of them are allowed to ever be used and they are to be kept in her room where she can look at them and be the proud owner of my 'first works!'

When I point out that my wobbly bowls are also part of my 'first works' collection, she seems to be a little annoyed at me and they unexplicably remain in the cupboard.

Finally, so we're up to date, Mama's birthday present:



Again, confiscated. This time I got a flat bottom, it's reasonably sized and the design is in the visible part of the bowl (albeit a little off center). A much appreciated gift, and she didn't even mind when I told her that I thought initially the dog and antler thing were having sex which is why I chose it.

When I went into Mama's room today to photograph the 'precious' works, I found them not quite how I imagined they would be displayed. In all their glory, perhaps mounted, a drop light illuminating their beauty. Rather it was like this.



I particularly like the 'stacked on top of one another' look she's gone for with the most recent ones! Very creative. See if you can find them all! I am going to go with, she actually does like my stuff, not: She is rather embarrassed to have them displayed around the home.

And yes, those are boobs hanging into the picture.

Nani x

Snot Face

I need more adventure in my life. It's time to do more stuff.

Live more life!

Today's adventure: cleaning my room.

Okay, so that is a lame adventure, but I am sick as a dog today. Snot face, head underwater, blurry eyes all that. So in context, this is pretty adventurous.

Nani x

Outed

So this blog has been outed. Perhaps it's strange, but this was a blog I was writing and no-one knew about it except myself and Fabian. Though he never read it, infact, he didn't even know what it was called.

This ensured that he wouldn't read it outloud in a 'love-songs-and-dedications' voice, which he does with his sisters blog which makes me cry with laughter. I'm sure if it was my blog he was reading outloud in such a manner there'd be no laughter, just crying.

Last night at dinner my sister said 'you should write a blog.' something she says quite often, without realising I'd heeded her advice. This is when Fabian outed me.


So, now that the name of my blog has been outed (and laughed at, haw haw!) I have deleted my lame posts from before and will try to just keep a steady blog that is deserving of having other eyes read it. Of course, now that i've written this no one will even remember that I have a blog and this will never be read. Stop trying to pretend like you don't care Nani!

*ahem.*

In spirit of living my life in a slightly more exciting manner, I got into an argument with an elderly man on the tram the other night. Yes, I know, old people suck right? To be fair to myself, he was being a racist to a tram full of foreigners and I simply directed his attention to me because I thought it was unfair.

He called me 'a fuckin' four eyes' and also told me I was 'too fuckin' ugly to be Austrajan anyway.'


So, once I got over the heart palpitations that I'm sure most people get when they fight with terrifying 70+ year olds, I had a good reason to laugh. Four eyes. Classic!

Oh and before I move on to another topic, I can already tell that you're not on my side, rather you're on oldies side but screw you. No he wasn't crazy, or a poor war veteran, he was a dickhead that was making everyone around him scared and cowed. So I was right and he was wrong. Moving on.

Pottery class was great today, nothing like some good ol' clay to help me forget the traumatising pictures i'm subjected to every Friday morning in my Dermatology class. Yes, I do pottery. Yes, it's awesome. Yes I have to study Dermatology. Yes it's gross. No, i'm not doing it because i'm some sort of hipster who thinks taking up 'totally random' hobbies makes me so 'outrageous'.

However, yes, I probably will post photos on here of my work sometimes and NO they will not be polaroids. I am truly not that cool. Hey you're lucky i'm not doing fucking crochet.

N x

Re-Boot

Hello! There was something majorly wrong with my blog. For some reason it wasn't updating everyone when I wrote a new post AND I KNOW YOU'D ALL HATE THAT.

So I've had to delete everything and start again. Same URL thankfully, but you may have to click 'follow me' all over again.

Love Nani x